My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
