I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
