can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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