I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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