brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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