I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
