I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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