The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
