I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
