I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
