im about as happy as oj after his trial
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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