We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
