And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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