At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
