Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
