I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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