we'll go far in life on tits alone.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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