soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
