Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
