happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
