I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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