Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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