3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
