Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
