So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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