they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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