I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
