It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
