Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Plan B is the new Plan A
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
