There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
