It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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