Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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