under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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