is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So vagazzling was a success
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