and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
