i don't plan on having that self control this summer
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
