I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
