You're earring is so big in my mouth
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
