I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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