She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
