By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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