I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
