Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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