nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
