Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize