imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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