Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
