im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
