I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
