She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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