I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
