I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
