Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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