Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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