I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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