I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize