what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
