Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
