we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
