I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize