Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
