dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
