maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
