i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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