i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
