life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
