Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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