What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
