suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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