The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
